After an inconspicuous visit to the News Garden, President Bush has asked John Ashcroft to shut it down for the sake of National Security.

"The names of the people in that room are frightening, not to mention all the mean things they say about us" President Bush commented to Ashcroft.

"First thing I see is Bushwacked. Now that sounds like somebody wants to pulled a Bobbit on me" said the President. He went on to name a few of the other names that unnerved him.

PlagueRat was a bio-chemical fear, ObsceneCNN was Ted Turner in disguise and General Sherman died a hundred years ago - "who does he think he is trying to kid" was the President's remarks. " That is as bad as Elvis not realizing he is dead".

The President had some concerns that Bucksnort was a drug dealer - he remembered the days when he used a rolled up buck to snort - but that was another story he didn't care to dwell on at the time of his meeting.

The President didn't think that Steve Case was too smart adding an o to aol - "everyone knows what AOL is with or without an extra letter so hiding as aool sure didn't fool me".

Sideshow_Mike was really Sideshow-Bob from the Simpsons television show that the President watches every Sunday night. "And Sideshow-Bob is an evil clown and changing it to Mike --- well shows you cartoon clowns aint as smart as real life clowns" explained the President.

He went on to list the names to be checked with immigration for valid visa's because if he could not pronounce them, they had to come from somewhere outside of Crawford. Among the names he listed were Cosmoi, Innosense, Sarduker, EtsuVol, Tao-Urso, Trybe, Tresec, Safyst and Wilf. "Just what the heck is "wilf" anyway?" the President wanted to know.

A few names tickled the President though. " I sure got a kick out of EmperorNorton" the President said, fondly remembering the television show "The Honeymooners". "Macleod and Cableguy" also were on his list of previous viewing.

Then the President turned serious again. "Dreamslaughter, Abolish_Death_and_Taxes and Honeybunny are a threat to our way of life," claimed the President. When asked who Honeybunny was, the President insisted it was really Bill Clinton. " I mean - all those years in the White House, he was called Honeybunny more than Mr. President" was the President's answer.

CowTippa was to be put in the suspect list because "it ain't nice to tip the cow that feeds us". The President also added CrazyEddy, WiredCrow and Skullhunter as accomplices.

SuzzieQ, DixieGal, Alllie, Jimmy2k, LarryJ, Stella, Clay45, Tom3, Patti, Kim, JimL, Maggijo, Marilyn, Jed, Jan, Cherie and MrMalo were to be placed on a separate list of possibly using their real names so what are they really hiding.

President Bush said he felt a kindred spirit with DamnFool-Idiot and Smirks, so he requested that Ashcroft leave them alone.

There was an all points bulletin put out for FatBoy, whom the President believes was Saddam Hussein hoping to find Osama bin Laden hiding in the Garden.

President Bush concluded the meeting by demanding the heads of Blako, Chicago7 and SharpEye. "They are the poorest excuses of security I have ever met. Look at them using their super secret code names instead of making something up. I just don't feel safe any more," sighed the President as he grabbed his golf clubs and headed to the golf course.

"Get me that DancesWithTrout" the President yelled over his shoulder. "Anyone who can dance with a fish would be far better security than those three stooges were -- and also that Taco-Boy 'cause I sure am hungry".

satire by tara